11 October 2016. 15:25


The Australian footballing body (FFA) have conceded this week that ‘The Australian Off-Shore Rigs’ is far more appropriate given that 95% of national team’s first 11 ply their trade overseas.

The change comes after much pressure from European and Asian football leagues after suggestions that the A-League was being given far too much credit for the quality of the Australian national team.

When asked for comment, former FIFA boss Sepp Blatter stated:

“If you are going to pick a squad filled with players who don’t even return to Australia for Christmas (sacrilege), then at least give their teams and coaches some recognition, its only fair.”

Despite the planned change, Caltex will remain as the team’s major sponsor.

“Everyone already associates our brand with off-shore drilling rigs in any case,” said Caltex spokesperson, Rex Callington.

“We’re 100% behind our national team, provided they’re still willing to stick a big fuck-off Caltex logo on any promotional material” sniggered Callington.

Reports also suggest that the players are delighted by the switch.

“Look, most of the boys put a lot of effort into maintaining their physique in the hopes that the cameras get a shot of their ‘sixy’ after the match” said captain Mile Jedinak.

“Its nice to know our rigs are finally getting the respect they deserve.”

“Needless to say, big Robbie (Kruse) is exceptionally stoked given his unfortunate physical appearance.”

“Plus, everyone knows there is no money in the A-League anyway, why would we want our names associated with such a ‘povvo’ competition?”

“I think I speak for all the boys when it’s a win for us emotionally, physically and most importantly, financially,” grinned Jedinak.

The former Caltex Socceroos could only manage a 1-1 draw with Japan last night and will play their first official fixture as the Australian Off-Shore Rigs against Thailand on the 16th November.



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