The Socceroos hopes at the 2022 FIFA World Cup have been given an added boost this morning, after the late arrival of a suspicious new player.

Coming up against the likes of France, Denmark and Tunisia in the group stage of the tournament, bookies are currently placing the Aussies with a highly unlikely chance of making it through to the top 16, let alone winning the damn thing.

However as Aussies start their Wednesday morning munching down some Vegemite toast before our clash with France, reports from Qatar are suggesting that the Socceroos have been able to parachute in a 5 ft 6 weapon who goes by the name ‘Sam Kerr’.

Dressed head to toe in full Socceroos kit, Qatari officials have reportedly signed off on the last minute arrival based on the fact that Sam is rocking a fantastically thick lip rug, so sturdy it would make Boonie proud.

A three-time ESPY winner for Best International Women’s Soccer Player, Kerr is also Australia’s all-time leading international goalscorer, a Golden Boot winner in three different continents and also the first Australian to score a hat trick at a World Cup.

Celebrated for her incredible career, Socceroos coach Graeme Arnold said it was a no-brainer to devise a crafty ploy to get her onto the park in Qatar.

“Look we’ve got a good team, but we really need all the help we can get,” Arnold told The Advocate.

“Sam’s arguably the greatest women’s player in the world, she’s a national hero, so when we realised we’d be playing the World Cup in November we figured we’d glue a moustache on her face and just say it’s part of ‘Movember’, a cultural celebration we honour in Australia.”

Arriving in the dressing sheds just before kickoff, insiders say the rest of the men’s team were thrilled to see Kerr turn up as she adjusted the bristles of a moustache she bought from Spotlight.

“Righto fellas, you ready to smash these French schmucks or what!?”.

“Lets fkn go!”

More to come.


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