Spike In Pneumonia Cases Caused By Crossfitters Remaining Shirtless Well After Winter Morning Workouts

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A Crossfit member from a gym in the French Quarter has been rushed to hospital this morning showing signs of respiratory distress, making him the 12th man to be admitted for Crossfit induced illnesses this month alone.

Paramedics at the Betoota Base Hospital report seeing an influx of these types of cases every year, as Crossfitters continue to workout shirtless despite the dipping temperatures, resulting in spikes in bronchitis, pneumonia and hypothermia.

It’s alleged that the act of working out shirtless isn’t what is sending these men to hospital, but more so their insistence on sticking around shirtless after the workout, when their internal body temperature has returned to normal levels.

“It’s like narcissus drowning in his own reflection”, says one paramedic, shaking his head, “I get they look good, but where’s the self preservation?”

When asked what was the worst Crossfit induced injury he’d ever seen, the paramedic begins answering before the sentence is even finished.

“Oh it wasn’t Crossfit, but had one bloke decide to do some shirtless callisthenics at one of those outdoor gyms at 6 o’clock in the morning.”

“He was doing some pullups when his nipples got stuck to the mole.”

“Anyway, from what I heard, he lost both of them. Now he’s nipple-less.”

More to come.