Spicy Cough Isolation Forces Aunty Joyce To Start Christmas Day Drama With Herself

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Christmas is going to be a bit different this year as usual shit-starter Joyce Keiler (66) has come down with a case of spicy cough and will be celebrating Christmas alone.

At the time of writing, spicy cough iso rules are a bit whatever, with most of it left to common sense, a resource Aunty Joyce reckons is in short supply these days.

After testing positive for the spicy cough, Keiler will be spending Christmas by herself, forcing her family to have the most stress-free festivities they have had in years.

“Guess I’ll have to get a $5 Christian book shop voucher from someone else this year,” joked one of Keiler’s nieces.

Stopping by to deliver some cold cuts, stuffing and dinner rolls, Keiler informed The Advocate she would be having her usual Christmas drama this year even if she had to start it all herself.

Hoping this would finally get his career as a respected documentarian off the ground, reporter Louis Burke provided Keiler with a few cameras and asked that she document her festive one-woman-drama.

So far, the footage includes four hours of Aunty Joyce criticising her own gravy, asking herself why her estranged husband couldn’t make it this year and regifting a present to herself.

“How’s the volunteer work going hun?” Keiler asked herself like a boomer Gollum.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but is it still considered volunteer work if it’s part of community service?”

“I wouldn’t expect you to know about community service love, no one has seen you at church since Garry went off with that Brazilian hand model.”

“Aaah, keeping up on all the gossip aren’t you? I guess that’s the sort of thing you have time to do when you get to your age.”

“It’s called experience doll, maybe one day you’ll have one.”

“Merry Christmas everyone.”