Silly Season In Full Swing With 500% Increase Of Grown Men Hooning On Lime Bikes In CBD

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All signs are pointing to an early arrival of silly season with an almost 500% increase in grown men hooning around the CBD on lime bikes while intoxicated.

According to forecasters, conditions for chaotic activity began forming late last week, when office Christmas parties, warm nights and a spike in early Friday knock-offs combined to create a high-pressure system of poor decisions across the metropolitan area.

Early reports indicate that groups of men aged 25 to 42 have been observed zigzagging through pedestrian crossings, shouting and attempting life threatening stunts. 

Meteorologists say this pattern is typical for the season and is expected to intensify as humidity rises and workers continue to label everything a "next year problem".

“We’re seeing unusually strong gusts of enthusiasm pushing groups of drunk men toward the nearest Lime bikes” said senior analyst Karen Lowe. 

“Once mounted, they generally reach unsafe speeds within seconds, regardless of fitness level or blood-alcohol content.”

Experts warn that peak hooning conditions are predicted for late December, with a 70% chance of men racing each other down the main strips of the CBD and an 85% chance of at least one bloke yelling “watch this!” before immediately stacking it.

Commuters are advised to allow extra travel time and keep an eye out for sudden bursts of e-bike activity  from men who "didn't realise how fast these things go"

Authorities say the trend is expected to continue well into New Year’s Eve, easing only by mid January.