Silly Dogbox Owners Have Spiked Inflation By Spending Frivolously In The Economy Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Inflation is like a pitbull that's been let off the lead at in inner-city dog park. It makes everyone nervous and it doesn't cause any harm, until it does. And when it does, sometimes the only thing that can stop it is a probationary constable and a Glock 17.

It's why all sides of government agree it needs to be controlled, tamed and contained.

However, the only way that inflation seems to be able to be controlled is by hurting some of the more vulnerable people in the economy. Owners of outer metro dogboxes.

The message from the government is that these people have been spending money on things that they don't need. Things like Ice Magic to go with their 2L bucket of synthetic ice cream. Flavoured condoms instead of regular ones. Flavoured milk instead of just plain. The list goes on.

By spending their hard-earned or ill-gotten Australian pesos on rubbish, these nu-battlers are fucking the economy and ruining it for everyone else.

It's not governments, spending money on things like high-speed rail feasibility studies, nuclear submarines to help kill naval conscripts from our biggest trading partner, tax cuts for property investors, autism rorts in the NDIS, or helping Queensland pay for an Olympic Games nobody else bid for. It's people out there just trying to get by and live long enough for their kids to have a good start.

Nor is it old people who've had to work their whole lives and now, when they're old and fucked and could honestly go at any minute to the shock of nobody, they're being told to stop buying caravans and CPAP machines because they too a fucking the economy for everyone. But for the most part, they're immune to rate rises because they've paid the bank back. In fact, with enough in the bank, increased interest rates are probably good for them.

The problem is the everyman and his dormitory suburb shitbox. Stop spending. Just work and go home. Watch iView or SBSonDemand. Consume vegetables for dinner and when you sleep, just shut your eyes and enjoy the abyss. Do not dream.