Short Local Man Rejoices As RM Williams Releases Magic Boot That Makes People Appear Taller

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A pint-sized city worker has thrown his tiny arms up in glee as popular Italian-owned bootmaker, RM Williams, today released a magic boot that appears to make the wearing appear taller.

Speaking candidly to The Advocate in his trademark comically-high voice, Peter Pooley said that he’s now apart of the 5’6′ club – leaving the likes of MasterChef’s George Calomiris and Gary Mehigan in their wake.

He could barely contain his excitement after picking a pair up this afternoon from the bush outfitter’s French Quarter shopfront.

“I’ve left those MasterChef runts in the dust!” he hissed.

“Fuck it! I might even ask management for a standing desk! No longer will they call me Mr Toad behind my back! Wind In The Willows wasn’t even a good book!”

“By by Joh! These boots are comfy as all heck! They’re like wearing a pair of Nike AirMax’s with those special gel inserts,”

“No longer will I wallow in the barren fields of five-foot-five. Tonight, I walk with giants.”

Our reporter reached out to some of Peter’s coworkers for comment – but none of them really cared enough to reply.

More to come.