Shark Park Forced To Start Stocking Penfolds

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Having convinced the nation he knows as much about footy as he does running a country, Prime Minister Scott Morrison is now locked into appearing at Cronulla Sharks home games in order to appeal to the average person who also pretends to like sport to fit in.

However, it has been revealed one of the measures put in place to make the Prime Minister feel comfortable at Shark Park has seen Penfolds added on tap at the stadium bars and corporate boxes.

“How good is footy and a drink?” stated Mr Morrison, swirling red wine in a plastic glass.

“When we win I’m so doing a shoey! Let’s go Sharkoes!”

The addition of Penfolds is just one troubling measure made to Shark Park in order to appease their newest fan.

Spectators have noted all celebratory music is now Tina Arena.

Security staff at Shark Park also state that all results from bag searches are kept on record for five years and that preprinted chants are left on Mr Morrison’s seat prior to the match starting.

“How good is my mandate? Almost as good as Valentine Holmes has been for us this season!”