Royal Commission Launched Into Why The Fuck 50c Coin Is Hexagonal

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

The Government has today announced its intention to launch a Royal Commission into one of the most perplexing yet overlooked phenomena in Australia, the 50c coin. 

Australians are big fans of cash. Not only do they like having it and spending it (mostly on the pokies) but they also like naming it. 

A five dollar note is a pink lady, a ten dollar note is a cowboy, a twenty is a lobster and a fifty is a pineapple. In some circles a crisp hundred is referred to as a Bradman. 

Whilst some have argued for the abolition of the five cent piece, no one has yet been brave enough to ask the question that’s quietly been burning in the background of the Australian psyche; why the fuck the is the 50c coin hexgonal?

Australian Royal Commissions have historically just confirmed shit that everyone already knew to be true. Robo debt was fucked, the aged care sector is fucked, the banking sector is fucked, youth detention is so fucked. 

So, it is refreshing for the Government to launch a Royal Commission into something we truly know nothing about.

The Advocate spoke with The Governor General, the Honourable Sam Mostyn about the developments. 

“We know that Australians are concerned with how much money they have at this time of year but we also believe it is equally important to consider the shape of their money,” she said.

Insider sources allege that the 50c coin isn’t even hexagonal but rather dodecagonal. However, further investigation into the matter is still required. 

Susan Ley has outright opposed the Royal Commission because the Coalition reject any proposal related to change.

More to come.