Revealed: High-Speed Rail Link To Cost Taxpayers Up To 1 Nuclear Submarine

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The shocking cost of a high-speed rail link between Sydney and Newcastle would cost up to one nuclear submarine.

According to a report seen by this masthead, the megaproject would be the most expensive public infrastructure project ever undertaken in this country and comes with the price tag to match it.

Estimates at the moment are at roughly $90bn, which has already been earmarked to be given to the United States in return for a Virginia-class submarine, which we need to keep the Chinese away from us if they ever freak the fuck out and try it on.

These revelations have led to questions from some in the wider community.

As one punter explained to our reporter this morning at the urinals inside the Remienko Plaza Metro Station restrooms, maybe the yankie subs aren't the best use of our national dosh.

"We should've bought those bisexual submarines that Malcolm [Turnbull] had tee'd up with the Frogs [French]. They were more fit for purpose for us, we're just cunts on a rock in the bottom of Asia, we aren't nuclear people. You know, just Kiwis with a more outgoing flavour of autism," he said.

The man then grunted softly to get the last bits of urine out of his bladder, as you have to when you get older. But it sprayed our reporter's jeans, hands and penis.

"You know, those cunts [Sydneysiders] need high speed rail more than we need nuclear subs, unless we can plug them into the national grid? Now that's an idea. Sorry for the spray. But you should put that in your paper. I'm not much for yankee imperialism, either. We could be the kings of the Pacific but instead we're just the Pentagon's rent boy. Crying shame,"

"AUKUS is like that troughman bloke you've heard about. Except the UK is the urinal, America's pissing and we're the ones getting pissed on. The world's quarry, open for business, closed for common sense."

The man then trailed off and left the restroom without washing his hands.

More to come.