Report: Young People Drinking Less Because A Schooner Costs The Same As A Fucken Zinger Box Did Ten Years Ago

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Right around the country, some of our nation's greatest business and political minds are attempting to answer a crucial economic question.

Why are young people drinking less booze than the millennials did in the heyday of nightclubs and house parties?

From publicans, to hotelier lobbyists, to local, state and federal governments - nobody can truly understand this major cultural shift that is forming a giant wedge between the generations.

Put simply, Gen-Z and Gen Alpha - the latter of which are currently turning 18 - don't appear to harbour the same excitement for pub tiles and sticky dance floors as their predecessors.

It could be because of the fact that Australia's property market has resulted in decades of sweeping laws around noise and nightlife, with the aim of sterilising every metropolitan suburb and cleansing the cities of any live music or rowdy young that might startle house prices.

It could be because any attempt at hosting a house party in 2026 results in at least three visits from actual police officers who have been tasked to police the noise complaints of boomer property investors.

It might even have something to do with the fact that modern publicans can only justify not selling their venues to high-rise developers with the profits drawn from soul-crushing pokers machines that make these kinds of venues not very fun for young people.

But it's likely because a schooner of draught beer costs more than a fucken KFC zinger box did ten years ago.

What used to be a one-off lunch treat on a Friday, the zinger box consists of a burger, three chicken wings, chips, gravy, mashed potato and a can of soft drink.

There is no way a glass of grain and water costs more than that just ten years later, not without a healthy layer of tax.

Even with the Prime Minister patting himself on the back for freezing the quarterly excise, the price point is unrealistic for any kids to be spending the best part of their hourly wage on one glass of beer.

The culture shift is most likely related to the fact that the same delicious schooner of mass-brewed lager cost half that price when Malcolm Turnbull was PM.

This epiphany is yet to reach the open bars of Parliament and Corporate Australia, who are still certain this anti-social trend is because of video games and wellness fads.