Report: You Will Only Win The Meat Tray Raffle When It's Most Inconvenient

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A shocking report has revealed that the only time you will ever win the meat tray and a pub raffle is when you already have meat in the fridge at home, have plans to go somewhere after the pub, and are as far as you possibly could be from home.

Researchers say that anyone that genuinely wants to win a meat raffle won't have any success and that only the most apathetic raffle entrants have a hope of winning.

For most winners the announcement of their victory is usually made just as they have  a commitment to be somewhere else in fifteen minutes.

The report goes on to explain that the meat tray in question will always be far too large for your needs.

It often includes an entire kilo of sausages, several steaks, an inexplicably large pork roast, and at least one cut of meat you cannot identify. 

Experts say this abundance is designed to maximise the logistical nightmare of getting it home without leaking juices all over the backseat of an Uber.

Witnesses from previous raffles told investigators that winners frequently attempt to offload parts of the tray to friends, only to be met with polite refusals because everyone else also has plans that make carrying raw meat around difficult. 

The study concludes that winning the meat tray is less a prize and more a test of resilience and time management.