Report Finds Blokes Who Wear This Are 87% More Likely To Apologise By Saying ‘I’m Sorry You Feel That Way’

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

An in-depth study of dating trends has confirmed what many women have suspected – that Dior Sauvage is the preferred scent of the fuck boy.

With Johnny Depp as the face of the popular cologne, it comes as no surprise that blokes who wear it are alleged to be 87% more likely to say things such as ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’, as opposed to a real apology, or the classic, ‘maybe you shouldn’t be so insecure.’

Speaking to lead researcher, Cara Doyle, our reporter learns that roughly 35% of the women interviewed had a visceral reaction to smelling the citrussy scent, with many referring to it as ‘Dior Sausage.’

“Out of all the cologne tested, Sauvage really stood out”, confirms Doyle, “many women associated it with negative experiences.”

Doyle says that when asked to come up with words they would associate with the scent, that ‘manipulation’, ‘gaslighting’ and ‘toxic’ were the most common, which leads her to suspect that Sauvage men were formerly Lynx Africa teenagers.

When asked what the female equivalent one would be, Doyle pauses briefly before answering.

“YSL Black Opium.”

More to come.