RBA Puts Band Aid On Consumer's Bullet Wound After Shooting Them

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The RBA has found the weary consumer and/or mortgage holder, lost in the desert of life, and offered them some cool, cool water to quench their insane thirst.

Weary consumer, debit and credit card processing fees will be abolished in October. Rejoice in the foot of progress being lifted from your throat.

This good news comes just weeks after the Reserve Bank voted to gut shoot young Australians by raising the interest rates. Ultimately, if you go up the chain, the person wholly responsible for most of this is Living Australian Treasure, Rupert Murdoch AC. He facilitated all of this. He got that senile orangutan elected, twice.

Nevertheless, because we live in a country where trying to understand why things happen is largely pointless, the central banks only have one proper stick by which to flog the inflation monster and that's getting a smaller, whippier stick and playing fruit ninja on the backs and bottoms of young families with zero equity and a $700,000 mortgage on a fucking glorified tent in some unserviced, forgotten outer metro shithole. Meanwhile, you have the living dead spending frivolously in the economy, buying caravans and new joints. You have the government continuing to throw cash into the Federal Government to Dodgy NDIS Operator pipeline. All this shit is so inflationary but it people like me and my fuckwit neighbour and his illiterate children who have to suffer.

But that is all in the past now, consumers can now walk-off their 9mm-grazed aortas and hop in the hammock of fiscal tranquility. There will be no more sneaky surcharges or processing fees. Retailers won't jack up their prices, the government will appoint a "card fee tsar" to make sure they don't. When they could just legalise customers jumping over the counter and garrotting those greedy bastards with the card machine cord.

More to come.