Pub Patron Experiences Traumatic ‘Phantom Buzzing’ While Waiting For Counter Meal

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

A new government study into anticipatory salivation has found that at least 70% of people who eat dinner or lunch at pubs with vibrating food pagers have experienced ‘phantom buzzing’.

The new study, conducted by the Licensing Inquiries and Testing For Australian Management (LitFam) ombudsman, has found that thousands of Australian’s each year have admitted to mistakenly thinking that their meal is ready to be picked up from the counter.

70% of those who admitted to experiencing phantom buzzing also admitted to standing up prematurely, before realising that someone must have bumped the table or something.

“I feel like Pavlov’s fucking dog” says local panel beater Luke Brace (4)

“I have a biologically potent stimuluis paired with a previously neutral stimulus every time I put that buzzer in front of me”

“It doesn’t matter if it goes off or not. My body keeps telling me it’s time to eat”

“I’m like, where’s me fucking shnitty! ha ha ha”

MORE TO COME.

If you enjoy drinking beer, and enjoy reading the Betoota Advocate, you should consider pressuring your local publican to put The Betoota Advocate’s very own beer on tap at your local. Support regional news through schooners. Go here for more information: BETOOTA BITTER