Practically Illiterate Mate Dominates Scrabble Game Again, Somehow

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A local friend group has been left baffled yet again this week after their mate, widely regarded as the least literate of the bunch, comfortably dominated another game of Scrabble.

The Sunday board game session, intended to be a relaxing wind down activity, quickly turned tense as Liam Porter (29), began placing tiles with the confidence of a PHD linguistics professor, despite being the only person in the room who still occasionally mixes up “your” and “you’re”.

Known more for voice messaging than typing and once describing punctuation as “kinda useless”, Liam stunned the room early with a suspiciously high scoring “quartz”, earning 82 points and a collective pause from the table.

"I don't know what it means, or what if it's even a real word, but somehow it gets me the points I need" he explained.

Liam's mates, who pride themselves on their academic history have once again been left utterly speechless.

“It makes no sense. He asked me last week how to spell ‘yacht’ and now he’s casually dropping words that look like they belong in a university research paper” said close friend Sarah, who had been quietly hoping her years of reading and writing might give her an edge.

By the midpoint of the match, Liam had somehow linked “vex”, “phony” and “zeal” across a triple word score, prompting whispered allegations of hidden phone checks and a brief moment where the dictionary was requested for verification.

Despite heavy scrutiny, all of Liam’s words were ruled valid, leaving the group confused, slightly suspicious and questioning the reliability of his signature “I just got lucky again” explanation.

Liam has now won four consecutive games and maintains he simply “is the goat of scrabble”.