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Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today announced a cut in the fuel excise for three-months, as Australia attempts to get in front of the painful surge in petrol prices that are likely to continue as the war in Iran rages.
Albanese met with State and Territory leaders yesterday for a National Cabinet conference, where they attempted to coordinate next steps in response to the global fuel crisis.
This comes after a week of not really inspiring much hope when it came to this particular issue, with Energy Minister Chris Bowen giving ever-changing updates on Australia's fuel reserve supplies, and the government even making the very poorly received suggestion that Australia should begin minimising their time on the road by 'car pooling' and staying home if they can.
The similarities between these messages and the early days of the pandemic begun to cause hysteria within the community, with low-information voters rushing to panic-buy jerry cans and more fucking toilet paper for some reason.
However, today, Albanese has made it clear that he's listened to the feedback from his advisors that live outside of Sydney's inner-west - and has accepted that maybe he should just slash the excise and come down harder on corporate wholesalers who are exploiting this crisis to make a buck.
"The halving of the fuel excise will reduce the cost of fuel by 26.3 cents per litre," said Albanese earlier today.
"I get it. We were talking out of our arse. I apologise for letting myself get trapped in an inner-city bubble"
It is believed that after facing extreme backlash for suggesting that Australians start car-pooling to work, Albanese took it upon himself to discuss the issue with Dan Repacholi MP, the Labor MP for the Hunter Valley, who told him that he must immediately stop listening to the advice of people that live between Newtown and Parramatta.
The fuel excise, currently sitting at 52.6 cents per litre, will be halved for three months as of Wednesday. Treasury estimates it will reduce the cost of a 65-litre tank by roughly $19.
"Sorry that was a real clanger" reiterated the PM.
"I've gotta keep reminding myself that most of Australia don't live in terrace houses and commute on the late rail to Ultimo and Surry Hills"
"This is worse than the time that my government decided to impulsively implement a nationwide blanket ban on live cattle exports to our biggest Asian markets off the back off some sensationalised Four Corners episode that showed footage of some Asian bloke killing a cow with a sledgehammer somewhere in the world"
"Anyway. I'm off to the greyhound track to catch up with the 95% of this country that my party keeps losing touch with and then blaming Murdoch for causing them to vote against their interests"
