Plans to replace Centrelink with euthanasia clinics gain traction

25 February, 2015. 15:04

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MORE THAN half the recipients of the disability support and unemployment pensions could be targeted for voluntary euthanasia from next June.

A landmark report into the country’s ballooning $150 billion annual welfare burden, released today, says the cost to the nation is becoming unmanageable unless people are put back to work or removed from society.

The proposed-changes to the welfare system are supported by the Opposition – with Bill Shorten agreeing to work with the government to make sure the fiscal integrity of the nation.

The disability support pension would be renamed the justified living pension and recipients would need to prove their life somehow benefits the country – otherwise they could be put to sleep.

The report also concluded that the lion’s share of welfare money is spent on illicit drugs, by both people on the disability pension and youth allowance.

Modelled after the Indonesian welfare system, the new measures are to make sure the integrity of the nation is not compromised by those who don’t contribute as much as others – which is achieved by putting an incredibly low value on human life.

In addition to these measures, the Attorney-General’s office has confirmed that the report suggested that Australia re-introduce tobacco branding as smoking dramatically shortens life span.

“Smoking benefits the nation in many ways,” said a department spokesman.

“People don’t tend to develop a smoking-related cancer until after they leave the workforce,”

“Ideally, a person should smoke heavily throughout their life until they retire, develop a cancer and promptly die in an over-crowed hospital,”

“By allowing tobacco conglomerates to use their branding again in hyper-sexualised advertising campaigns and sponsorship deals, we’re insuring that the new generation of Australians will die before they require a pension.” he said.

A parcel of land has been earmarked in Western Sydney as a possible site for the euthanasia facility, between Cecil Park and West Hoxton.

The site at Western Sydney Parklands also played host to the Olympic shooting venue during the 2000 games. SOURCE: Google Maps

The government has allegedly also put the euthanasia facility project out to tender, with Chechen, Cambodian and Rwandan-based companies bidding on the controversial plan.

Juvénal Ntiruhungwa is the CEO of Rwandan company DeZeal Investments.

“We have the staff and experience to deal with large, state-sponsored euthanasia programmes,” said Mr Ntiruhungwa.

“The advantage we have over the Chechen and Cambodian consortiums is that Rwanda was largely able to cover up most of the finer details surrounding our euthanasia programme,”

“People were shocked at the brutality they saw in Cambodia and Chechnya –  not so much in Rwanda,”

“A horrible violation of human rights put Rwanda on the map, we can do the same for Western Sydney tourism.” he said.

RWANDA: It’s safe now! from Rwandan Tourism Bureau on Vimeo.

The federal Social Services department said that the new plan would help motivate people to get back out in to the workforce.

“We’re placing added incentives to get the retired, physically and mentally disabled people back in to the workforce,” said one official.

“That goes for our LGBT and gypsy communities, too. The government is looking to champion hard work,”

“Australians have always been ‘do or die’ – and that’s what we’re hoping to drive home. If you’re not able to work, please help your fellow citizens by signing up to be euthanised.”