Phew! One Less Thing To Worry About As Delinquent Nephew Apparently Loving His Job At The Abattoir

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

With all that’s going on in the world, it really is great to receive some news about future problems resolving themselves.

Particularly when that problem is someone that you are technically responsible for.

One family is sighing in relief today, after learning that their most anti-social and disorderly member is actually breaking a sweat in an honest line of work.

The Oates from Betoota Downs, a large and prominent agribusiness dynasty from the town’s rural outskirts, can relax knowing that their surname is not currently at risk of being plastered across the front page.

This follows the most recent updates on the wild younger nephew.

And updates are beyond good… Because the young fella has a job at the abattoir – and absolutely loves it apparently.

Nobody really knows why young Teddy (20) is such a firebrand, but he’s been throwing objects across the room as hard as he can from as early as anyone can remember.

Many a family holidays have been dampened by Teddy’s inability to de-escalate with other young kids at the beach and showgrounds.

He’s never been a nasty kid, and he loves his family, but for some reason – he’s really quite adept at hand-to-hand combat and harbours a deep hatred for authority.

After dropping out of school as soon as he could, the extended family grew more and more anxious with every new milestone.

The day he got his driver’s license was one of heightened nerves for his relatives – which was around the time he started getting inked up.

Then he became old enough to go to the pub, and as was predicted he started getting banned from venues around town for his refusal to look past slights on his masculinity.

After skirting very close to jail for extremely dangerous driving and multiple assaults, the assumption was that Teddy was going to join a bikie gang and start missing Christmases.

But, it seems like the young hothead might’ve stumlbed across the circuit breaker he needed.

Word on the street is that Teddy’s been coming home to his parents place every night covered in sweat. And it’s not because he’s been running from the cops.

It’s because he’s been on the back end of a broom, sweeping off-cuts of grainfed Aussie beef off the floor, and bear hugging processed livestock, before frog marching it over to the boning chain conveyor.

It’s a job that nobody wants, except the kid that everyone thought was going to be spending his days in a prison cell, so overall its a net positive for society.

It sounds like Teddy can’t get enough of it, and is excited by all of the new opportunities presented to him within the hierarchal structure of the local slaughterhouse.

Furthermore, the bosses reckon he’s a good kid. This may be the first time anyone on the planet has used those words to describe the young scrapper.

In even better news, Teddy has revealed that he has no intention of hanging out socially with any of the older blokes from work, because he reckons they are bludgers.