PETA Hires Former Kodak Directors To Guide Organisation Further Into Irrelevance

10 April, 2015. 10:15

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | editor@betootaadvocate.com

A MEMBER OF AUSTRALIAN ROCK BAND, I Killed The Prom Queen, has this week appeared in a new anti-wool campaign solicited and funded by animal rights group, PETA.

The poster that Adelaide-based guitarist Jona Weinhofen appeared in has suggested that farmers who shear lambs are committing the highest form of animal cruelty, which results in the infant livestock having skin stripped from the hides in a money-hungry quest to be inhumane.

Sheep farmers across the world have responded to the obscure claim by clarifying that they don’t actually shear lambs.

Regardless of the issue at hand, it is evident to see that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) have launched their new winter campaign with undeniable momentum.

A spokeswoman for the anti-agriculturalist organisation says the ante-up has been inspired by new management, scouted from former polaroid camera giant, Kodak.

“We decided it was time to innovate. We wanted to enter the 21st century with a slick, groovy new look” says PETA researcher, Suja Bleedinhart.

“Kodak as a brand has been very successful in reaching audiences over the years, so of course we took the opportunity to poach several of their executives to join the team at PETA”

Ms. Bleedinart believes that the new executive team will benefit PETA immensely.

“We, the people at the grassroots level of PETA, spend so much of our time researching animal cruelty on Google… We needed some direction at our corporate level. That’s where the Kodak team can help,”

“Help” could probably be described as an understatement with this particular campaign, relaunching PETA as a household name across the western world, particularly in the homes of people who’s livelihoods will be crushed by the unfounded claims of lamb-shearing.

Ken Buttle, a fourth generation sheep grazier from North-New South Wales spoke to the Betoota Advocate about the new PETA campaign this morning.

“My family have always farmed sheep, so PETA have always been on our case… But they usually go after the beef farmers,”

“Now we really know who they are, mainly because they accused our entire industry of being quite incompetent with a pair a clippers,”

Buttle expands on what he calls a misunderstanding between the wool industry and the animal rights industry. He states that wool farmers actually need to shear sheep in Australia, or else they will perish in the extreme heat they are exposed to.

However, PETA claim that a progressive researcher in California has told them that their may be alternatives. Hence why they have chosen to deliver the message with an Australian musician, even if it is one that no one knows about or cares about. Mr Buttle continued.

“I was also very disappointed to hear that PETA think we like to shear lambs. What the fuck is that all about?”

“They seem to know a lot about the animals we have here. I wonder if they have ever seen what the average shearer looks like. I can guarantee if my shearers had to bend low enough to shear a lamb, I would have the unions knocking on my door in a second”