PE Staff At Catholic Schools To Be Retrained To Teach Drama As Well

LOUIS BURKE | Editor | CONTACT

Catholic and other mildly-less-scandalous denominations across the country are reportedly retraining physical education staff to teach drama, as the private school system faces an worrying shortage of fabulous thespians.

Australia’s religious schools have experienced a sudden and unexpected shortage of decent drama teachers in a phenomenon they believe may be linked to God, the current government or both.

Following the partial leek of the religious freedom report, the Morrison government could soon be putting forward a motion of religious schools to discriminate against gay teachers meaning that many educational institutions could be without a drama teacher who is a “triple threat.”

Principal of Betoota Catholic school St Bruce’s College, Vernon Malley (74) states he is sad to be a team member short and hopes they can find a straight drama teacher to replace the one they lost.

“Good lad he was. It was a shame we were legally allowed to let him go,” stated Principal Malley.

“We will find a drama teacher with straight Catholic principals. What about that young fella we used to have? Mr Bickford!”

We reached out to Mr Bickford who confirmed that he is, in fact, gay and left St Bruce’s due to discrimination from other staff members.

“You think you’re going to get a good straight drama teacher? Please!” laughed Mr Bickford.

“Good luck! Enjoy your production of Macbeth set in World War Two!”

“We’ll get Mr Meatjock from the PE department to fill in”