Outback Jackaroos And Roo Shooters Now Busy Exploring The Internet With StarWank Satellite Service

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

American tech entrepreneur Elon Musk has left his mark on Outback Australia, as thousands of single men working on cattle stations and in mining camps are now more connected to the internet than ever before!

In the remote and isolated Australian interior, reliable internet access has long been viewed as a luxury that can only be enjoyed in medium sized towns and cities.

Even some parts, eve access WiFi is as rare – with rural Australians still waiting for the arrival of a national broadband network.

But that has all changed in the last year. Because now anyone with a smartphone can access all of the internet’s wonderful websites, pictures and videos at any given time – all thanks to Elon Musk’s low-flying satellites.

With its ability to provide high-speed internet to even the most remote corners of the rugged Australian back country, the new service has empowered an entire generation of young cattlemen and miners to adopt the same online habits as teenage video gamers in the big smoke.

The service is known locally as ‘StarWank’ and it has most definitely disrupted the stranglehold of Picture Magazine on Outback Australia.

While these technological advancements may spell bad news for the truck stops and small town newsagents that have traditionally benefited from the ‘blue magazine’ trade – this loss of revenue has been balanced out by a sharp increase in the sales of phone charges and corded headphones.

Outback employers say that their workers have never been more docile, with far less pub brawls breaking out over the weekends.

However, there is the concern that the jackaroos and miners may now be spending a little bit too much of their downtime alone, and not getting as much sleep as they need for the hard yakka required from them by day.

But the steady diet of pornography amongst the outback’s agricultural and resource sector workforce isn’t the only side effect of unlimited internet access in the bush.

Outback postal workers have seen their deliveries quadruple in recent years, as local governesses and jillaroos begin drastically upping their online shopping orders – as a result of their increased access to an equally addictive social media algorithm of fashion and skincare influencers.