Only Mate In The Group Who Reads The News Tasked With Explaining The Importance Of Ohio

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The smartest man in a local group chat has had dozens of questions fired his way this morning by his mates who don’t follow the news.

But the one Greg “Chompers” McGregor says he’s received the most is, “What is Ohio?” and “Why is it important?”.

Greg is the only one, he says, who follows the news in his sole group chat so that makes him, he adds, the expert.

“Every other day, my mates take the piss out of me for having an egg-shaped and long teeth,” he lisped.

“But when things like elections and political controversies come around, they all turn to yours motherfucking truly.”

Chompers then apologised for swearing.

“Sorry. I’m the only person who reads the news in my circle of mates because we live in the middle of the Simpson Desert and it’s fucking hot right now. You can’t feel more removed from the social and political discourse out here,”

“So yeah. Ohio is the state that’s going to decide it. That’s what I told them and then they thanked me and now they’re talking about Origin.”

More to come.