Oh No! Our EFTPOS Machine Is Broken Indefinitely, I Guess Nobody Will Be Paying The Bank's Surcharge

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Australia's cash economy is set to make a roaring comeback!

This comes in the wake of the Albanese Government making one of those symbolic gestures they love unveiling, until they backfire when the public realises that they are merely shifting cost-of-living stress from one cohort of Australians to another.

As of yesterday, Australians will no longer pay a surcharge on credit or debit card purchases.

This new policy was unannounced by the Prime Minister earlier in the week, who said your coffee COULD now be cheaper. It comes after months of campaigning from Labor's social media team who are acting like these new laws for small businesses are as exciting as resources tax.

But the bank's processing fees aren't going anywhere. This means the man or woman on the other side of the counter is now expected to carry the can - unless they get creative.

Some businesses are just flat out banning card payments - which will sure;y get them in trouble at some point down the track - but it's better than spending 100 grand a year on surcharges that could indeed be going to the taxman instead!

Some cunning retailers are setting $10 minimum checkouts to manage processing costs. While others are just simply raising the price of their items - which, in turn, is basically the customers still paying the surcharge just without calling it a surcharge.

However the veteran hospitality professionals - the ones that operate Australia's suburban European and South-East dining institutions - have another method to avoid handing over what little profits they do make to a big four bank.

"Aahhh shit. The Eftpos is broken" says Tony, founder and manager of La Porchetta in Betoota's Flight Path District.

"I don't know... Someone was supposed to come around and fix it but I don't know what happened"

"It's okay. There's an ATM in the pub next door"