NRL Distances Itself From Toxic Misogynistic Culture Of The Federal Government

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

With footy season just one lousy, enormous week away, the NRL has decided to draw a line in the sand when it comes to respect for women and distance themselves from the toxic misogynistic culture of the Australian Federal Government.

This announcement follows the growing revelations that the federal government was aware of at least two allegations of sexual assault by Liberal Party MPs and staffers but decided to investigate these claims with the vigour of Clive Palmer ordering a salad.

In a press conference today, NRL Chairman & man who most effectively handled the spicy cough Peter V’landys, stated that the NRL may not have a great history when it comes to respect for women but at least they have some procedures for investigating sexual assault.

“It is our policy to stand down players when they’ve been accused of serious crimes until the investigation has been concluded,” stated chairman V’landys.

“We hope the Federal Government can learn from our example or at least focus on AFL until this blows over which it won’t if they keep being so evasive about it.”

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has since lashed out at the NRL for getting political.

“Telling us what to do, the nerve is shocking really, I never tell them what to do except to pass the ball to…Towney,” stated the Prime Minister, saying the nickname of Sharks halfback Chad Townsend as if it were a question.

“And when I tell you that you have to sing the National Anthem. Oh also, round one I want you to play with Mr Potatohead instead of a ball. It’s in the interest of fairness fellas, just don’t tell me what to do OK.”