New Environmental Protection Agency Set To Be As Effective As New Anti-Corruption Commission

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

In some exciting news for fans of rampant deforestation and degradation of Australia’s environment (and the broader environment in general), the new Environmental Protection Agency looks set to be another toothless tiger.

This comes as the government looks set to push through changes to the Environment Protection and Biodiversity Conservation Act (EPBC Act), which will leave the EPA with as much real power as the National Anti-Corruption Commission (NACC).

Made popular during the 2022 election by a raft of Teals and Independents, the NACC was heralded as a big scary anti-corruption body that would punish all of the dodgy shit that goes on in politics.

However, years on from its implementation, it’s proved as tough and scary as a morbidly obese security guard at a suburban shopping centre who could not give a single shit about his job.

And it looks like the country might have another ineffective body to enforce rules filled with loopholes.

“Yeah it should keep us humming as the deforestation capital of the world,” said Ernest Green, a local Environmental Law Professor at South Betoota Polytechnic.

“It’s a title our leaders seem to quietly wear with pride, so bringing in an EPA that will have its hands tied on deforestation should keep us in our unrightful place.”

“But hey, being able to say they introduced an Environmental Protection Agency sounds really nice for our government.”

“Who knows, hopefully they actually decide to close the loopholes in our current environment laws that allow rampant logging and bulldozing of forest and bushland.”

“Fingers crossed.”