National MPs Satisfied As Permission To Wear Fishing Shirts In Parliament Now Inked Into Coalition Agreement

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Liberal and National party leaders have finally drawn up the terms of a new Coalition agreement, bringing the Federal Opposition back together after announcing a reunification deal at the last minute before Parliament returned.

The Coalition split last months for a second time - after three National senators broke away from the shadow cabinet - and voted against the government's new hate speech legislation that their Coalition had demanded in the first place.

The deal to bring the parties back together includes allowing the fired senators to return to their previous roles in shadow cabinet, so that they don't have to tighten their belts and let go multiple staff members that they had previously hired to help them read through legislation to avoid any last minute surprises.

Furthermore, the Liberal MPs will be allowed to drink non-Instant coffee without having their credibility or manhood brought into question by their rural colleagues - this also includes non-dairy options including soy and almond.

On top of this, The Liberal Party are expected to withhold their judgment of the National Party's media literacy, and must accept the fact that a large segment of the Federal Opposition front-bench believes that Sky News After Dark is the highest-standard of Australian journalism.

The Nationals have also agreed to no longer refer to Sussan Ley as 'hysterical' whenever she raises concerns about the direction of Coalition policymaking. However, terms like 'half-mad' and 'two-bit' are still on the table.

It's seems the biggest concession has been made by Sussan Ley, as she swallows her pride in an effort to get the reunification over the line.

One of the most pressing points of contention between the two parties reportedly dates back to the Turnbull era, when the former Liberal Prime Minister banned all frontbench Ministers from wearing BCF fishing shirts in Parliament house.

The infamous 'good clobber' rule was introduced around the same time that the Turnbull government banned their own ministers from having unprotected sex with subordinate staffmembers that they were not married to - and has resulted in regular flare ups between the two parties.

"How easy was that?" said Nationals leader, David Littleproud MP.

"Allowing us to wear breathable polysters shirts that offers a high ultraviolet protection factor with superior moisture-wicking capabilities was a small ask. But I do congratulate the Liberals for coming to the table with an open mind. We are glad it has been resolved"

"Now let's start pulling down those ugly fucken wind turbines"