Naarm Becomes Melbourne Again As Random White Man In A Suit Now More Electable Than Leftie Girlboss

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Naarm era is over, it has been confirmed.

The late 2010s/early 2020s phenomena that saw all of the nation's brightest and wokest young minds relocating to the front line of gentrification in Fitzroy, Brunswick and Collingwood - is suddenly done.

It's very similar to what happened in Brooklyn when VICE magazine was bought by Murdoch and the Strokes became old men.

What once felt like the centre of a rapidly-changing universe is now... Just like the rest of the world.

This comes as the Victorian premier, Jacinta Allan, announces her resignation, after three years in the job and without ever facing an election as party leader.

Allan replaced the pandemic-era state leader Dan Andrews, who finally pulled the pin in 2023 after getting the party re-elected again by landslide - defying 500 humiliating Herald Sun front pages in a row.

However, Allan has also been maligned by the pandemic malaise, joining countless Opposition leaders and Federal MPs who have become casualties of their state's inability to claw themselves out of the post-Covid misery.

The deputy premier, Ben Carroll - a man with no distinguishing physical features and a fairly mundane CV as an insurance lawyer turned Labor MP - has confirmed he would nominate for the Labor leadership.

Allan said on Tuesday morning that Carroll would have her “unqualified support” - because it is clear that a random man in a suit with a red tie is not only more electable than a random man in suit with a blue tie, but also more electable than a career politician leftie girlboss.

And that brings us to the end of Naarm. The identity politics that had defined the city for so long - suddenly carries little to no cultural capital anymore.

It doesn't matter that young people now refer to the human settlement of Melbourne by the Indigenous land name.

It doesn't matter if everyone in corporate Melbourne now has their pronouns in their email signatures. Naarm is over.

The random white man in the red tie will now go to an election against the Liberal woman that was brought in to counter the Labor woman - and the random white man will win.

After decades of building themselves up as the Berlin of the Southern Hemisphere, it seems that the Victorian capital has fallen back to what they know best: Gangland murders and men in suits.