Millennial Woman Misses The Self Expression Of Pre-Smartphone Mobile

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A millennial woman has once again lamented the death of personal expression in mobile phones, arguing that before smartphones took over, a person's handset told you almost everything you needed to know about them.

Recalling the years between roughly 2003 and 2009, 33 year old Emma Collins says every social group had unconsciously selected its own device.

"The hot girls all had pink Motorola Razrs with half the buttons worn off. The gym bros always had some dumb slide phones. The cool guys had Sony Ericsson's that had a whole 9 songs saved to them, and every ambitious woman in an office had a Blackberry permanently attached to her hand."

Today, she says, everyone simply owns the same slightly different rectangle.

"You could walk into a party and immediately know the vibe of someone when they pulled out their phone."

"If a bloke flipped open a silver Motorola V3 and had a Smack That By Akon ringtone, you knew exactly what his weekend plans were."

Likewise, the owner of a Nokia N95 was almost certainly the friend who had somehow pirated episodes of Prison Break, while the kid with the chunky LG Chocolate was convinced he was a sex god.

Historians agree that the mobile phone used to be a massive social indicator.

"Phones used to function like hairstyles or cars," explained one researcher.

Emma admits the old devices were objectively worse in every measurable way, but says she does miss when they had a bit of personality.