Melbourne-Based Human Rolls Eyes As NRL Celebrates 40 000 People Turning Up To Watch A Match

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A human of Melbourne told friends this weekend past that ‘his town doesn’t get out of bed for less than 40 000’ after being told the National Rugby League was celebrating that number of sports fan turning up to the first game played at the new Western Sydney Stadium on Saturday.

Right-Side-Up Horseshoe Ribbert-Ribbert, a 20-something known to frequent the Free Yarra Republic’s northside districts, later rolled his eyes at the news.

They spoke to friends, of which one was our reporter, at one of the city’s many pokie-less pubs that seems to stay afloat by offering a nice atmosphere and polite hospitality.

“Isn’t it pathetic?” asked Ribbert-Ribbert.

“40 000 isn’t even half of the MCG, am I right?”

The table of wage-slave humanoids nodded in unison.

“That’s right, ‘Shoe!” yelled one informal voter at the end of the recycled Oregon timber table.

Horseshoe let out an ear-piercing ribbert.

Egged on by their table of fellow Melbourne people, Horseshoe continued to ribbert at an anti-social volume until a sonic tear in the fabric of reality opened up in the middle of the beer garden.

“Holy shit, stop ribberting!” yelled one glassie.

“Stop it, or we’ll have to ask you to leave!”

Horseshoe then calmed down and the sonic tear closed back up.

“Sorry everyone,” said ‘Shoe.

“I just can’t believe they got so worked up about 40 000 people going to a game.”

More to come.