Man Panic Spends Velocity Points On Fancy Juicer Amid Virgin Flight Suspension Chaos

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As Virgin enters Ansett territory, a local man has decided to spend his Velocity points on a fancy new juicer – rather than let them wash away like the sandcastle that airline has proven to be.

He was careful with his decision, he weighed up whether he needed mixers and a toaster more but he thought this time he’d treat himself.

Michael Granger explained to our reporter via telephone, sadly, that he had no idea how he amassed such a quantity of something so useless.

“Corporate travel,” he said.

“But useless they may be one day, but right now, velocity points are worth something,”

“So I bought a juicer,”

“Despite living alone, being quite sedentary and disliking most things, I think this juicer will be a great addition to my kitchenette.”

When asked what else he had in his studio apartment, Michael said he had a fridge, a gun safe and a television.

He then said he had to go to sleep because he had to get up at 4am to take part in a raid.

Our reporter accepted that and took the opportunity to hang up first.

More to come.