Man Earmarked As One Of The First Against The Wall When Society Collapses Finds The Perfect Car

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local chode, widely tipped to be among the first to go during any societal breakdown, has found his ultimate vehicle in a heavily modified 2024 Land Rover Defender.

Hamish Wetherall, the 34-year-old son of prominent businessman Clive Wetherall AC, unveiled his latest purchase in the car park of Royal Betoota Country Club this morning.

The Defender, which features off-road tires, recovery boards, and matte black paint, is apparently designed for rugged terrain but will likely only see action on paved roads between his family compound and family beach house.

“I needed something practical,” Hamish said, adjusting his stretched Hollister polo shirt, which struggled to contain his sizable frame and prominently pikelet-size nipples.

“This thing’s perfect for when society finally implodes, and people like me need to take charge.”

The modifications on the Defender include a snorkel for river crossings, LED floodlights for nighttime navigation, and reinforced bumpers, features which would be useful if Hamish’s lifestyle involved more than navigating suburban roundabouts.

Local residents were unimpressed.

“The only rugged terrain that car will see is the gravel driveway at his parents’ farm,” said one witness.

“If society collapses, we will be eating him. We can also boil him down for soap. We’ll then torch his car because it’s completely useless.”

Despite the skepticism, Hamish remains confident in his ability to lead the survivors.

“Us Wetheralls are survivors. My Dad was born in a house with a dirt floor in Kalgoorlie. Now look at him. I’m just like him.”

More to come.