Man Ditches Food Blog Recipes After Being Told To ‘Massage Kale With Confidence’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

A Betoota Flight Path District man has this week decided to throw in the towel.

“Yeah, I’m flat out done with these bullshit online recipes,” laughed Dale Wilson, from our town’s rapidly gentrifying former fibro clad suburb.

“I don’t need to scroll through a 2,000 word travel blog before being told to gently massage kale,” he laughed.

“For a healthy lasagne that tastes like garbage!”

Speaking to our reporter from the cafe at the bottom of his Betoota CBD Office Building, Dale said he’s reverting to the classic KISS principle.

“Keep it simple, stupid,” said Dale.

“I’ve decided to just get stuck into EveryPlate instead.”

“Simple no fuss meal kits that spare me the overcooked foodie circus carry on.”

“Ready in like 15 minutes dude.”

“Taste pretty good too tbh. And decently priced.”

“And I don’t need to read about how the author tried to feed her kids a previous iteration of the meal but they didn’t like it so she modified something yada yada yada.”

“I’m just trying to cook dinner on a cold weeknight in Betoota here, not win masterchef.”

More to come.