Man Admits He'll Be Pounding A Medium McChicken Meal On The Way Home After Fine Dining Experience

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights couple has spoken to The Advocate this morning about their Saturday night booking at Famine Coûteuse, the French Quarter’s famously expensive three-hat dining room that's been entertaining guests with their tiny portions and tie-wearing waiters since it first appeared in The Advocate's Feedbag Directory in 1986.

According to local woman Chloe Frances, she had been floating the idea for months.

"It's meant to be incredible," she told our reporter.

"Everyone at work raves about it. I just really wanted us to try something nice together."

Her fiancé, Brett Bowie, admits he had been dragging his heels a bit because the place looked like the kind of restaurant where you leave hungry but financially devastated. But in the name of supporting his partner, he agreed.

"We got there and, yeah, it was fancy," he told The Advocate.

"The waiter explained every course like he was explaining keyhole surgery to a stoned chimpanzee. I didn’t want to be a negative little whinger so I just nodded along. I even said 'holy cunt ey' at one point. Chloe didn't hear but that fella did and tell you what, he doesn't hear that word very often given his reaction."

Chloe confirms he was perfectly behaved the entire evening.

"He didn't roll his eyes once, not even a homophobic remark about the atmosphere," she said.

"He didn't even make a joke about the entree being an entree for ants. He just sat there pretending to enjoy himself."

Brett says the food tasted fine but he reckons they were on to him and trying to find the biggest plate in the shop to serve him something you'd fit on a spoon.

"That last course… mate, it was four green dots and a tiny cube of beef. I thought it was a test. I looked over my shoulder to see if the chefs were having a joke."

Still, he admits he kept the mask on.

"Look, I love Chloe. I wasn't gonna sit there and ruin her night. I just played along and acted like I wasn’t about to end up on a World Vision ad during a Big Brother broadcast."

But the truth came out the moment they hit the street.

"As soon as we got outside I said, 'Chlo, that was lovely… but I am still fucking starving. I’m getting a McChicken meal on the way home.'"

Brett, meanwhile, says the post-dégustation McChicken hit the spot.

"Best dish of the night, honestly," he told our reporter as Chloe rolled her eyes.

"I will be sleeping like a dead Soviet leader lying in state tonight. On my back, in my suit, arms by my side. Looking up at the roof. I'm also chock full of red wine, I might actually have the rest of a joint I have in the cupboard."

More to come.