Louvre Museum Jewellery Heist Leaves Guy Ritchie With Biggest Boner He’s Had Since Madonna First DM’ed Him

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

Thieves are reported to have stolen multiple priceless jewellery items from the Louvre in broad daylight yesterday, leaving famed heist director Guy Ritchie with the biggest raging boner he’s had since Madonna slid into his DMs.

The robbers allegedly pulled off the job in under four minutes at around 9:30 a.m. local time on Sunday.

Unlike the intricately choreographed heists in Ritchie’s films ‘Snatch’ and ‘Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels’, this one was surprisingly straightforward, with the thieves using a basket lift to reach a window, then broke in with a disc cutter.

Eight pieces of jewellery are confirmed to have been taken, including the emerald and diamond necklace Napoleon gave his wife Empress Marie Louise, as well as the 19th-century crown of Empress Eugénie, wife of Napoleon III, and her diamond brooch.

Authorities have described the thieves as “highly experienced” – which, frankly, you’d hope so, given they actually got away with it.

Aside from being the coolest thing to happen this year, the theft has also caught the eye of Ritchie himself, who’s reportedly itching to make another ensemble-style heist flick starring a ragtag team of criminals with highly specialised skill sets.

According to an inside source, Ritchie has already rung up Jason Statham to ask if he can manage a half-decent French accent.

More to come.