Local Man Struggling To Find 2016 Throwback That Won't See Him Hauled Before HR

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A city worker has this afternoon decided to let the latest social media trend slip through to the keeper after failing to find a candid snap of him from 2016 that wouldn't get him in trouble with his employer's brownshirts.

Despite being 35-years-old and sound-of-mind, middle manager Ben D'Madick explain briefly to our reporter this afternoon in the D45 trolleybus queue that he spent most of his work day after lunch looking through old pictures in his iCloud account.

"There was a good one where I was looking good but unfortunantly, I was drink driving at the time," he said.

"Another of me with a great haircut and this girl I used to know sitting together on a bench out the back of a house party, I think, anyway, we've got two bags of chimp dumped on an iPad and I've got her student card in my hand chopping lines. Shame. I thought about cleaning it up with a bit of AI but fuck, it's not that important is it?"

D'Madick paused, he said, on an old picture of him planking on top of an unmarked police car but unfortunately noticed that another gentleman in the shot had unholstered his genitals from his undergarments and was squishing them against the driver's side window, as was the fashion at the time.

"I remember [name redacted by legal] went through a 'squashed rat' phase where he'd pretty much whip his chipotle and flesh pouch out of his fly and smoosh it against a window. Pretty funny, I guess. Well, at the time, and if you knew him, and if you were a bloke. But to his defence, he had quite ugly genitals so there was some comedic value in that," he added.

A number of other trolleybus passengers began listening.

"Like, you wouldn't see [name redacted by legal] do a squashed rat you know, like as a woman, and think, 'Fuck yeah, that's very hot and I'd like to find myself in a situation where I'm alone with [name redacted by legal]! Nah, you'd be like, 'Fuck he's a weird cunt, why does he keep getting invited to things like this when all he does his squash his weird-looking cock and nutbag against every bit of waist-high glass he can find? At least that's what I'd think if I was a girl."

At the time of print, D'Madick has yet to publish a throwback.

More to come.