Local Man Might Just Keep Using Travel Burner For The Time Being Because He's Not Really Missing Out On Much, Is He?

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A recently returned traveller has decided this week that he'll just keep using the cheap mobile phone he bought to take with him.

Betoota Heights man Damien Fletcher decided to take a burner with him to the UK and Europe earlier this year because of his forgetful nature and the explosion in phone snatchings across that God-forsaken continent. He didn't even take a laptop or tablet. For the five weeks he was over there, the only piece of technology the 28-year-old customer service representative at Coleman BMW Betoota had was the mobile phone he bought at the post office.

"I couldn't even tell you what brand it is, but it's got WhatsApp and that's about it," he said.

"You can't load Instagram or anything else on it. Well, you probably could, but it's not going to be the same as my old iPhone. Yeah, it was a little bit harder to travel without Google Maps or being able to look something up on the spot, but for the most part, we had other people in the group that could do that for me, and for the parts that I was alone, I could just look at a map or, you know, ask someone."

"But now that I'm back, yeah, I'm going to keep on using it. See how long I can last."

When asked by this masthead how he plans to keep abreast of what his friends and casual acquaintances are up to, Fletcher said he no longer feels the need to.

"That and the other shit on there. I mean, think about it. What are you doing now? I mean right now. You. You holding the phone. What else could you be doing? This app is turning your brain into runny dog shit. I'm telling you, you're not missing out on anything by throwing your phone in the creek. Read these articles on the website, sign up for the newsletter, get off this fucking platform while you still can. Watch a TV show on free-to-air, listen to AM radio, watch the 6 o'clock news. Walk somewhere without blasting music into your ears. Give up podcasts cold turkey. Listen to the world. Birds and shit. Fuck what you're doing now."

More to come.