Local Man Attempts To Mask Rampant Weight Gain With Strong Goatee

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

Local man Steve Hooper came to a confronting realisation this morning after his attempts at hiding his rampant weight gain have failed.

For the past two months, Steve has been desperately trying to hide his ever-tubbing face with facial hair, however, his poor genetics let him down there too, by only producing a mere whisper of a goatee.

A heavy Steve sat down with The Advocate to share his story and talk about how he found out his cover up plan failed.

“I found out when my sister flat out told me”

“She goes, ‘Stevie, that piss-weak excuse for a goatee isn’t hiding any of those chins you’ve grown. Stop eating tinned-spaghetti meat pies and go to the gym once in a while if you want to get rid of them’ it was fucking brutal”

“But fair, I guess.” He said while gently caressing his hairy chins.

“I’m not sure I want to give up the pies though, I reckon this hair thing might come through with the goods”

“I’ve started taking Rogaine, I can already notice I’m getting more hair”

“Given it’s on my nipples and head, but I reckon it’s just filtering through my system, it’ll hit the face soon.”

With Steve only being a month into his Rogaine course, the outcome of his plan isn’t yet clear.

As far as Rogaine success stories go though, it might be a better option for him to take his sister’s advice and stop eating tinned spaghetti pies.

More to come.