Local Girl Seeks New Friendship Circle After Realising She’s Currently ‘The Miranda’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Part of entering adulthood is realising you might not necessarily be who you think you are. This day came early for 19 year old Lucy Marchetti, who today realised that out of her group of friends, she is definitely ‘The Miranda.’

“This is just typical! Just because I care about my career and tell it how it is I’m automatically the Miranda! Fuck that, I’m the Carrie!”

Marchetti’s protests were met with fierce responses from her childhood friends including BFF Sophie Turner who responded firmly with “No. I’m the Carrie.”

It was at around this point that Marchetti decided she would rather abandon her longstanding, tight-knit clique than resign herself to a lifetime of apparent questionable taste in both men and fashion.

“Like I dated a guy with one ball but that’s just coincidence.”

Our researchers confirmed Marchetti has in fact dated two men with one testicle, one of whom was named Steve.

“Doesn’t matter,” Marchetti stated reassuringly. “I’ll find a new group where I can be a Carrie or a Charlotte. Hell, I’ll even slut it up and be a Samantha as long as I don’t have to be a fucking Miranda.”

When asked for a comment, Marchetti’s childhood friend Kathleen Stephens (‘The Samantha’) incredulously stated that she would be welcome back in the group, potentially as a ‘Harry’ or a ‘Stanford.’