Local Girl Rethinks Moving Into Studio With Boyfriend After He Takes 30 Minutes To Strangle One Out

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

Local woman Renee Donahue, 33 is this week rethinking whether reaching the next milestone of her relationship was a good idea, after yet again finding herself barricaded from using the toilet in the morning as her boyfriend undertook another one of his 30 minute shitting sessions.

Moving into a small but well laid out studio apartment in the nicer part of the French Quarter district, Renee was initially excited to move in with Thomas as she thought it would be ‘cute to live together in this intimate little space’, but has since found herself sorely regretting the decision to share a bathroom.

“Do blokes just take longer to shit, what’s going on?”, asks Renee, genuinely baffled, “like, are their bowels different? I can’t fathom why taking a shit lasts so long.”

Thomas, however, seems quite unbothered by the situation.

“I just go in there to think about stuff”, he explains, “maybe scroll my phone a bit.”

“Ponder the wonders of the universe.”

“I don’t know, it’s just relaxing.”

More to come.