Local Gen X Bloke Has Never Been Scammed Because Fuck Everybody And Everything Is A Bullshit Lie

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A 50-year-old Betoota Heights man has revealed he’s never been scammed before because he harbours a base-level of nihilism that prevents him from thinking anything good will ever come his way.

It’s not uncommon for people in David Cadwallader’s cohort to think this way, he says, because being Gen X means he’s been given nothing and expects even less.

“Every interaction I have with a stranger, I’m immediately skeptical of why they’re talking to me,” he told The Advocate with a heightened sense of scepticism.

“As if anyone would text me with good news. If you want to scam a Gen X person, it should be about something bad. Or something bad has happened. A package left at the post office? I didn’t order shit and nobody would’ve sent me shit. Therfore, if I get a text message telling me to come pick my package up, it’s a bullshit lie,”

“Tell me my fucken Holden Malibu got stolen and now it’s upside down in the table drain out on the bypass road? I’m clicking that shit and giving you my netbank password. That’s the shit you get when you’re my age, man. Or try scamming me by saying my friend Paul had a stroke and needs some Bitcoins to pay for a new medulla oblongata? Brother, here are my credit card details,”

“But they always try this shit like I’ve won the lottery. No good shit happens to me. No good shit happens to anyone my age. I’ve got no fucken house, a fucked car and no fucking super because I’ve worked in hospitality my whole life. So fuck you with your scams.”

More to come.