Local Doom Scroll Addicted Woman Drinking Iced Coffee While Vaping Says She's Anxious

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In a shocking turn of events, a local woman drinking her 3rd iced coffee of the day, while simultaneously sucking back on a watermelon flavoured vape and aggressively scrolling through tiktok, is anxious.

The 25 year old, who's managed to get to December without a single second of alone time with her thoughts, is unsure why she's unable to shake the anxiety.

Friends say Mia Thompson has perfected the art of constant dopamine hits. 

She begins each morning by checking every app on her phone before she has even sat up, followed by a triple shot iced coffee and 15 minute session with the vape.

By midday she is consuming a steady rotation of caffeine, artificial fruit vapour and over a hundred short form videos.

Despite this, Mia remains confused about the origins of her constant anxiety. 

She has repeatedly told coworkers that she is just a naturally anxious person, although she delivers this explanation while taking a drag of her vape and double tapping videos of strangers having public meltdowns.

Mia insists her habits are harmless and that everyone her age is doing the exact same thing.

When asked by a friend what Mia's average screen time was, she flat out lied.

According to Mia, she plans to address her anxiety soon by getting her screen time down to 8 hours a day and ditching vapes for cigarettes. 

More to come.