Link Established Between Ford Raptor Ownership And Unimpressive Calves

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

A recent report by the AAA (Automative Archetypes Association) has established an undeniable link between Ford Raptor owners and underwhelming calf muscles.These damning findings have been met with extreme backlash from the subjects of research report, who have discredited the study as ‘fake news’ and ‘complete bullshit’

The study, which was initially commissioned in an effort to confirm the urban myth that linked oversized 4WD utility vehicles to short penises.While the correlation between small doodles and Ford Raptors were confirmed, this phenomenon was isolated to metropolitan areas, especially among suburban men with offices jobs who’ve never been to Moreton Island in their lives.

While rural Ford Raptor owners may have slightly larger dongers, they do still suffer from the same underwhelming calves.

The anonymous survey of over 1000 Ford Raptor owners found that over 97% had been ridiculed by male friends for ‘skipping leg day’.

This correlates with the data that shows over 99% claimed that ‘every man in their family had the same calves’ and that such an ailment cannot be corrected through squats or deadlifts.

The explosive revelations have warranted an official statement from the head office of Ford Australia, who have insisted that their company champions diversity and inclusion, even for blokes who drive around wearing jeans in the middle of summer.