Liberals Wait Until Whole Nation Is Pissed To Announce They No Longer Believe In Climate Change

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As Melbourne Cup Day revellers begin drinking out of shoes and spear tackling each other in general admission, The Liberal Party of Australia has decided that there is no better moment than now to announce that they are likely going to ditch their commitment to Net Zero by 2050.

It is not yet certain if the Federal Opposition are themselves pissed, as they decide the only way forward for their terminal political party is to lean harder into the culture wars that have lost them close to 40 seats over the last couple elections.

However, while clearly not in tune with the national sentiment regarding climate science, the increasingly powerful right-wing faction of the Liberal Party still know how to bury a yarn in a busy news cycle.

Which is why today, on a day when our newspapers are filled to the brim with racing tips and photos of celebrities in fascinators, they've decided to reveal their position.

This follows the announcement by Nationals leader David Littleproud, who formally confirmed that the Liberal's Coalition partners in the bush would abandon its net zero commitment.

The Liberal Party's decision to follow the Nationals in binning net zero is reminiscent of the time they followed them in voting NO to the Indigenous Voice. While the referendum result was technically a 'win' for the Coalition - it proved to be a fatal decision to waste all of their political capital campaigning against a group of Aboriginal elders - only to get smashed to smithereens at the election 18 months later.

Their initial reluctance to sign onto Net Zero - out of fear of upsetting the Nationals - saw the Liberals lose the vast majority of their once safest urban seats at the 2022 election.

In 2025, having not really offered any stronger climate policies in opposition, they lost the rest.

The party's last three or four 'moderate' MPs who still believe in the science of climate change have hit the media today in a desperate effort to salvage their remaining metropolitan voters.

Ironically, this just shows that the so-called moderates are even more detached from everyday voter than their right-wing colleagues - because they don't seem to realise the Melbourne Cup Day news cycle is for horse-racing and burying policy - not saving your party.