Liberals To Formally Ditch Net Zero Because Eventually The Floods Will Put Out The Bushfires

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In news that has surprised not one voter, the Liberal Party has once again trusted their own judgement and will formally walk away from their commitment to Net Zero carbon emissions by 2050.

The party has also agreed that if they were to ever get elected to power again before the sun burns out, they will also repeal Labor's 2030 emissions reduction legislation, but remain in the Paris Agreement.

Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison set the target in 2021, after months of tumultuous disagreements within the coalition, but in the end both the Nationals and Liberals agreed to respect his leadership because he was a man.

The party has also revealed that they will not actively strive for net zero, but said if they accidentally achieved it through not trying at all, they wouldn't have a problem with that.

In what sounds like absolutely hell on earth, each of the 49 members were offered five minutes to speak on the topic, and while there was no formal vote, Liberals all agreed that there were more people opposed to the target than in favour.

This means that the Liberals haven't even voted to walk away from this policy that they came up with, before tearing themselves apart over it three times under three different leaders, while the Labor government actually legislated the commitment, that again, they had come up with as a base-level commitment to take action against the climate change-aided natural disasters that keep ravaging Australian towns and cities more and more often with increasing fury.

The feeling within the party is that maybe Climate Change is real, but what can ya do about it? Wind power and solar is scary and rural people hate it when times are good. We had a pretty good system with this fossil fuels stuff and it's too hard to say no to the multinational corporations that are used to getting rich from it. Instead, the Coalition will now aim to focus on 'adaptability' - which means they are just going to hope that the floods we get every second year end up catching up with the bushfires we get every other year, and maybe they'll cancel eachother out.

This marks an irreversible direction for an increasingly fringe-dwelling opposition, who have once again been lead towards a policy position by the National Party, who had only ever conditionally agreed with Scott Morrison's desperate requests for Net Zero because they were terrified of him being replaced as Coalition leader by a Liberal moderate like Josh Frydenberg who had a concerning level of respect for the findings of 99.9% of the world's scientists.

But with the next generation of Liberal talent hollowed out by two bloodbath elections, the Liberals were in no position to dictate climate policy to the Nationals, and all the Nationals had to do was announce they weren't supporting Net Zero first.

This is reminiscent of the time the Nationals were first out the gate to oppose the Indigenous Voice to Parliament, leaving Peter Dutton to tread water for two months, before ultimately doing exactly what they did, and in turn signing up the Liberals to waste all of their energy, political capital and campaign resources fighting a handful of Aboriginal elders for 6 months, before getting annilihated at a real election 18 months later.