Liberals Excited To Revisit The One Culture War That They Can Articulate A Clear Position On

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Liberal party staffers are eagerly ticking away their calendars in anticipation for their favourite cultural war issue of the year: Australia Day.

"Yeah we really need something to grab onto right now" explained one jittery Liberal party member smoking a ciggie at the back of parliament house.

"It's going to be good to have something that we can actually articulate a clear position on"

Australia Day, one of the nation’s biggest and most reliable cultural war flashpoints, is expected to loom especially large this year after a lack luster 2025 for the Liberal party.

"We just couldn't quite hit our stride last year" admitted the dead inside Liberal member.

“But Australia Day? That's our grand final.”

"Everyday Aussies that don't have time to keep up with the news love it, and so do we"

Party strategists confirmed that several talking points had already been drafted, including:

“You can’t cancel history”

“The woke agenda has gone mad” 

And the ever-popular “If you don't like it leave it”.

“We don’t even have to think” one junior advisor said.

“We just recycle the same sentences from last year, it's a very effective to we re-engage with the country."

In response, The Prime Minister is expected carefully balance “respect for Indigenous Australians” with “not changing anything whatsoever.”

“It’s comforting” the cigarette-smoking staffer said. 

“In an ever changing world we know we can at least rely on one thing."

More to come.