Jealousy Oozes Off New Dad Watching Carefree Little Cousins Get Drunk At Christmas

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact

On any other stinking hot Betootan summer’s day, you’d be forgiven for thinking the clear-ish ripples radiating off Jimmy Alexander were from the heat. However, on this relatively cool 39 degree day it is not heat, but in fact, jealously.   

Jealousy at the fact that his teenage cousins geto to knock back ice cold Vodka Cruisers and get a bit lippy towards anyone who’ll listen. 

"Soak it up while you can, young Eddy," Alexander whispered to his cousin, who was out of earshot.

"Because before you know it you’ll have life, responsibility, the promise of another night of being at the beck and call of a baby who will never be grateful for anything you doh. he continued, staring into his empty IKEA water glass.

This is the first Christmas since thirteen that Alexander won’t be drinking at, thanks to the little child his wife gave birth to 5 months ago. 

To say he is handling it well is a flat out lie. However, The Advocate understands that while he may have accepted sobriety for now, Alexander is counting down the days until his young son can obediently fetch the ice cold beers that will wash away several years of festive resentment. 

More to come.