Japan Obsessed Bloke Robbed Of Talking Points Now That Australia Stocks Those 9% Minus 196’s Too

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A local bloke’s entire personality has been left in tatters this week after discovering that the elusive 9% Suntory Minus 196 drinks are now available at local bottle shops.

Liam Wally, a well cultured 25-year-old man who still happens to live with his parents, is one of many who’s curated his whole personality around that one trip he took to Japan.

So much so, he finds any excuse let you know, that he has in-fact, been to Japan.

“The 7/11’s here are nothing compared to what they have in Japan”

“I was actually there in February on a boys ski trip… I’m telling you once you’ve shredded Hakuba in 10cm of pow pow, you can’t really go back to hitting Aussie slopes”

Or his go-to “You haven’t tasted real sashimi till you’ve been to the underground fish markets in Tokyo”

For years, Liam Wally delighted in telling friends, colleagues, and complete strangers about the whimsical 9% RTD drinks you can buy in Japanese convenience stores and vending machines.

But now that the 9% Suntory’s have finally reached Australia, poor Liam finds himself left with no more ice breakers.

“I know I should be happy the 9%ers have reached our shores, but truthfully, I’m devastated,” admits Liam.

“I don’t know what else to base my personality around anymore.”

Liam says because -196s are always so prevalent at house parties, it usually gave him a springboard to talk about his favourite subject in the world – Japan!

“I really enjoy pointing at people’s drinks and then telling them about the time I bought one of those at a Japanese convenience store,” says Liam, wistfully.

“Which then gives me an excuse to talk about how futuristic Japan is, and all the cool themed cafes they have.”

“How a bidet will change your life and how philistine it is to just use toilet paper.”

But now, with Suntory Minus 196s available everywhere from Dan Murphy’s to the dodgy independent bottle-o near the train station, Liam fears he has lost his edge.

“Whatever. These gaijins won’t ever have the true experience of picking one up off the shelf at 7/11 at midnight in Shibuya’”

“They won’t get it, you just had to be there”

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