“It’s My Turn Isn’t It?” Says Dad Preparing To Eat Dinner Like A Labrador Devouring An Unattended Jar Of Mayonnaise

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A young Betoota couple’s planned family dinner was derailed within seconds last night after their two children scattered into the unfenced beer garden of the Betoota Heights Tavern, prompting the parents to quickly discuss who was going to speed-eat their dinner..

The handover was made official when the father, Dylan Marlowe, said the phrase he's had to say many, many times before in this situation.

“It’s my turn isn’t it?”

A sentence that signalled that he would be the first to attempt consuming a full steak sandwich before one of the kids located a hazard.

Witnesses say Dylan immediately shifted into position, leaning over his plate and locking eyes with the open sandwich in front of him like a labrador who’s just discovered an unattended jar of mayonnaise. Pub staff estimate he cleared half the sandwich in under fifteen seconds, placing him comfortably on world record pace before the first interruption.

His partner Noni, had already begun the opening circuit of the courtyard, retrieving their eldest from a garden bed before redirecting the youngest away from a rain-filled ashtray stationed near the smokers’ area.

By the time Dylan finished the last mouthful, he was already half way across the bistro, watching one child climb a decorative barrel. The other had just demanded chips from a stranger.

Noni was already back at the table eating a cold warm beef salad.

More to come.