Investigation Reveals Country Mums And Rich City Dads Have Been Quietly Wearing The Same Salmon Chinos For Decades

TRACEY BENDGINER | Local News | Contact

What started out as a criminal investigation into the pink chino market, has today unfolded into a revelation that will have country mums and rich city dads alike reaching for an extra glass of chardonnay.    

The decade-long investigation revealed that nefarious activity was in fact not the reason salmon chinos were still in production, but rather an unwavering dedication by the pastel-forward mums and dads of this great country. 

According to one country mum, Iris Thomas, this information doesn’t necessarily come as a surprise. 

“You know, now that you mention it, the only time my favourite salmon chinos are out of stock is when I am in Double Bay… or Mosman.” 

Laurence Mitchell, an Eastern Suburbs original and father to a litter of useless sons, didn’t quite share the same sense of humour. 

“That’s preposterous, salmon is a luxurious expression of masculinity and it belongs near the sea.” 

“Why would country mums be wearing salmon so far from the sea?” 

When pressed on the matter, Mitchell paused for a longer than comfortable moment before adding, "I just think men should be allowed to express themselves. Tastefully. In neutral tones. Near water."

More to come.